MONSTER 2.0

"Girl, you look good enough to eat." - Lady Gaga Well, this is my farewell post. My transition to MY NEW BLOG The Rabbit has run his course and we've accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. It's time to pack up, say goodbye and move on to the big leagues. You'll never grow until you challenge yourself. Never stop growing. -JMBooze

Hello

"Hello! Is anybody listening? Let go, as everyone lets go of me.. Won't somebody show me that I'm not alone, not alone?!!" - Kelly Clarkson 'Hello'

There are people in this world who are known for their astounding ability to win at everything. They just have to pick a goal and go and universal blessings walk out to meet them. I am not one of them.

It takes me twice as long, working twice as hard to accomplish half as much.

Maybe this means I've just been barking up the wrong tree. Maybe I've been so busy going in circles to notice the open door leading to my destiny. I know I'm abrupt and it takes a long time to get my feet settled on the ground. I'm just not sure what I'm fighting for anymore. At the core, I came back to Oregon to make things right and find closure from the past so that I could move on. Has it happened? What now?

It's been a long month.

Big White Room

“Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever let go of everything holding you back for just a moment and ran through the rain - yelling "YES!" Have you ever done something so perfect that in an instant you were inspired; not by other people's achievements but by your own? Coming to that moment is the next chapter of my life.

My first step is to build a new image. To capture the side of me that can get me to my dream career and place him headfirst in the spotlight. I've taken the steps to get back into school and on a path that has some direction and now I need to make the most of it. I need to take the next big leap.

Things are good but they can be better. I'm in a place where what I want is clouded by what I never had, the things I need distracted by the things that I don't believe I deserve, and the person I want to be is held back by the person I believe I have always been. This can change.

It's time to take inventory of my life. What do I have and what do I want? Who is in my life that I can hold on to and who should I let go of? I need to get clear about my career and take the steps to get there. Life is all about building and holding onto your image. People will forget the past if you let them. I've locked myself away for long enough, let's go grab some spotlight.

Paris Nights, New York Mornings

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

So the plans have been made, the goal is set. Paris in May!

I'm extremely excited about this, so much so that I am shaking and its hard to keep still. I have to keep reminding myself that this only works if I keep up my stuff in school and stick it out in Eugene. It's good to have a goal like this, something big enough to make you get up in the morning and want to move forward. I want to do my best here so that when I go, I'll be that much stronger and more prepared.

There are so many logistics involved with this plan and coordinating them all is a field maze of bureaucracy. Money, for the first time, is the least of the issues. Now I have to figure out a way to balance out the many areas of my life and leave it in the hands of God. Make the plan, do the work and don't get attached to the results.

-JMBooze

Death

"If you can't sing, sing louder. If you can't dance, dance some more. If you can't act, act like you can. Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do." - JMBooze

So last night while meditating, I pick up my tarot cards randomly and this is the card that falls into my hand. Death. Needless to say, my day has been a little clouded. I've been jumping at shadows waiting for the other shoe to fall. I guess I'm more than a bit superstitious and I put a lot of faith into such an arbitrary practice.. still I can't help wondering what next?

Instead of hiding from it though, I realized how much stronger I have gotten. I went to my classes, got my haircut, ordered new glasses, purchased a few shirts and scarves from London's New Look, and I bought some shoes, colored contacts and some much needed food. When that ugly skeleton of change comes knocking, I'll be ready.

This is October, the month of Samhain - it is the perfect time in our lives to celebrate new beginnings. This month's changes are going to last. I am ready for this. Ready to choose my path as much as humanly possible. Today I go from another victim of life to being an architect of my own destiny. Over the top? I am fighting for my dreams - damnit!

I deserve nothing less than the best.

-JMBooze

Pinocchio (Miracles are the Norm)

"I promise you, I'm always there when you're heart is full of sorrow and despair. I'll carry you, when you need a friend.. you'll find my footprints in the sand." - Leona Lewis

Jim "Jimmy" Wilson is my mentor. More than that, he is my spiritual father, my guru and what you might call my spirit guide. Although we don't always see eye to eye, he has always been there to offer his hand and to cover me with his wing. He has watched me sink and swim again and again these last few years and is one of the only people in this world that truly believes I can accomplish greatness.

My life has been no doubt interesting. Matters of life, economics and social class have dealt me a hand I never would have asked for. Like Pinocchio dancing on Geppetto's strings, I've let the universe mold and control me. It's silly. With all the amazing potential of the human spirit I have pretty much forgotten my number one spiritual belief - Life is what you make it.

So like Jiminey Cricket whispering in my ear, Jimmy has returned to my life with a simple message. "What kind of life do you want and how are you going to create it?"

No excuses. No bullshit. When you meet with Jimmy, you better be prepared to push. He has outbursts of rage, stubbornness and this tendency to bear to down on you like a hammer. I've seen grown men and women cry as he has tried to push them to be their very best. Who am I kidding, I've been one of them more than once. Still, he exudes a type of love and light unparalleled in this world.

So the message of my story is this. Listen to your inner(and sometimes outer) spirit. Close your eyes and imagine your life the way you want it to be. Be prepared to do the work. You never know what is waiting around the corner.

Deja Vu

"These tears feel so familiar, I guess I've already been here. Walking home alone in the rain again. Oh yeah, I remember this pain again. I already fell for another you, so I'm not living my life in deja vu." - Deja Vu by Jonoton Marcus Booze

In this blog I've talked a lot about some of the issues I've had to overcome this last year to get out of my uncle's house, away from my broken dreams, and back in school. There is a lot that I keep abbreviated because I don't want to sound too desperate or unforgiving. Life throws a lot of twists and turns and I've only barely kept my head above water. Without the grace of God, I wouldn't be here.

One of my newest hobbies this year is songwriting. It's an amazing way of getting my emotions out of my head and to feel empowered in the process. Luckily, I have something to write about.

This week I was disappointed when someone I thought I was starting to know hurt me and left me crying in the rain. Definitely wasn't a broken heart, but had many familiar traits. I spent a few days wondering what I did wrong, how I could have fixed it, but what it comes down to is that(for once) it wasn't my fault. Some people unintentionally do asshole-like things and we get hurt in the process. The strong heart rises above the drama, forgives the trespasser and learns the lesson hidden by God in the details.

I'm not quite there.

I can say that there is so much love and bliss in my life, this has barely scratched the surface. I guess I really am tougher than I was yesterday.

Meanwhile in the world, we are seeing some of the largest protests in modern-day history. We're witness to 79 states protesting the American financial institution with over 5,000 people on the streets of New York City alone. The Brooklyn Bridge was shut down by protestors yesterday and hundreds were arrested. This is a long time coming and everyone involved has my full support. It's hard lately, not being there.. but I know I'll do more for the world staying where I am and accepting the challenges that are mine to face today.

"We are the 99 percent. We are getting kicked out of our homes. We are forced to choose between groceries and rent. We are denied quality medical care. We are suffering from environmental pollution. We are working long hours for little pay and no rights, if we're working at all. We are getting nothing while the other 1 percent is getting everything. We are the 99 percent."

OCCUPY WALLSTREET!

-JMBooze